Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass
by Still Painting Flowers For You
Summary: It's Christmas time, and it's not very jolly for Nico. Besides the fact that he just got dumped, and then saw his ex-girlfriend out with another guy on that same day, Nico tries to get over this depressing season by getting revenge. Read it! Story better than summary! Song fic to Merry Christmas, Kiss My Ass by All Time Low. Rated T for cursing.


**Hey everyone! I had this idea for this story, and just HAD to do it, even though it's not even Christmas time. And I asked some of my reviewers if it was too early, and they said it wasn't so... Here!**

**And I never curse, at all. But I had to because this is a song fic to the song 'Merry Christmas, Kiss my Ass' by All Time Low. It's a HILARIOUS song! And I recommend listening to the song before or after reading this to help you visualize it. ;)**

**The music video is so fricken funny. I just watched it and literally died laughing. I like when the puppet starts moaning and groaning randomly in the background... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I can barely even type because I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying... WATCH IT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!**

**Review and Enjoy!**

**~ Julie**

**Merry Christmas, Kiss My A****

"THALIA!" I shout, running after her, in nothing but a short sleeve shirt and jeans. It's freaking winter, and it's snowed at least six inches. I'm freezing, but I have to follow my needy girlfriend because I 'upset' her by not wishing her a happy birthday at exactly 12 a.m. It's completely ridiculous. I like my sleep. She should just accept the fact that me waking up before eleven a.m. will never happen.

"No, Nico!" she turns around and stops running from me. "I don't want to be a part of this anymore, alright?"

"Why not?" I demand. "I didn't wish you a happy birthday as soon as it was the day changed and you're freaking out at me. Why?"

"It's other stuff too," she crosses her arms. "But Nico, it's over."

"What?" I question her. "Thalia, remember the summer? When we spent all day in at the beach and all night out, and no one even knew? That was the best time ever!"

"But times have changed, Nico." Thalia snaps. "Our summer romance will forever remain in the summer. Okay? It's just not working out."

"It was working out fine until today!" I exclaim.

"We're done! Accept the fact!"

"Thalia, this is not fair! Just because I…" I start, but she cuts me off.

"You we're lucky to have a chance with me, Nico. I was a Hunter and I quit for you. But you ruined those chances. Goodbye! I never want to see you again!" she waves and starts walking away.

"Wait!" I call after her. "First give me back my necklace that I spent half of my life savings on!"

She rips it off of her neck, and throws it at me, all of the diamonds falling off of it and disappearing into the snow. What a lovely person, and when I say lovely, I mean malicious.

I sigh. There's got to be a reason for this. I mean, not saying happy birthday at exactly 12 a.m.? It's crazy. Too confused for words, I head down to the sword arena to think. Killing those dummies always clears my mind.

LINE BREAK

After slashing through every training dummy that camp has with my Styron Iron sword, I head back to my cabin, to see my sister there.

"Hi Cassia," I moan.

"Well, aren't you happy to see me," she mocks.

"I had a bad day," I complain. "Don't tempt me."

"Sorry," she replies. "But what was so bad about it?"

"Thalia dumped me." I mumble.

"Nico, if you want me to help you, then you're going to have to speak louder than that."

"I _don't _want you to help. In fact, I never even asked for your help." I recall.

"Well, I want to help anyway. So just tell me!" she demands.

"Fine," I sigh. "Thalia broke up with me today for a really stupid reason."

"Have you tried speaking to her about it?" she asks.

"Yes, but she kept running away."

"Then call her cabin," Cassia suggests. "That way, she won't know who is calling until she answers the phone."

"Smart," I smirk as I pick up our skull telephone and dial her number. No answer. I keep calling, and calling. And after seven straight ignores, I give up.

"Busy or ignored?" Cassia questions me.

"Ignored," I groan.

"Sorry," she frowns.

"It's alright," I force myself to answer. "You know what, forget her! If you doesn't want me, then fine. I don't want her either."

"Okay…" Cassia replies. "I'm going shopping, want to come?"

"Not really," I tell her.

"It's fine! I figured you'd say that. If you're lonely, Percy and Annabeth are at the Big House decorating the Christmas tree. They'd love help." She informs me.

"I'll go watch them," I respond.

"Why not help them?" she raises an eyebrow at me.

"How can I be in a jolly mood if I just got dumped?"

"Nico, you're _never _in a jolly mood," Cassia laughs.

"Yeah, well, no need to remind me," I reply before shadow traveling into the Big House.

"Hey guys," I say glumly.

"You alright, Nico?" Percy turns around and asks me.

"Not really."

"What's wrong?" Annabeth questions me as she walks over. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

"Thalia's what's wrong. She randomly came up to me like an hour ago and dumped me because I didn't wish her a happy birthday exactly at midnight." I admit.

"Nico, I think there's something you should know," Annabeth tells me. "Thalia was cheating on you."

"WITH WHO?" I demand.

"Leo," she says quietly as she looks down at the ground. "I'm so sorry."

"How many people knew?" I ask.

"A few," she answers.

"And no one told me?" What great friends I have. I turn to the fireplace and tear the three stockings down and throw them into the fire. I then take the reef and throw it across the room. "How could she do this to me?" I can't even control the anger in my body.

"Listen, Nico. Calm down!" Percy commands. "We'll get back at her. I promise."

I don't respond. I just glare at the mistletoe that's hanging above the door. It reminds me of our first kiss.

"Nico?" Annabeth asks. "Maybe you should go calm down, like go out somewhere."

"I'll take you," Percy offers.

"Where to?" I question him.

"Karaoke bar?" he suggests.

"Sounds good to me." I say before touching his arm and then shadow traveling away.

We arrive and walk in to the club. Music is blasting so loud, I can't even hear myself think.

"Uh… Nico?" Percy taps my shoulder. "Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"WHY?" I shout over the blasting of the music.

"Thalia and Leo are here," he points over to a table that sits the devil herself, and her stupid boyfriend.

"It's fine." I smirk. "I won't let them ruin my night, and I thought of my revenge."

LINE BREAK

The bar is about to shut down, and Thalia and Leo are still here, and they haven't seemed to recognize that we're here yet. Perfect.

I walk over to the DJ. "Hi, I'd like to sing a song."

"Which one?" he asks, handing me a large binder of all the songs that they have.

"It's actually one of my own creations," I tell him. "Can you just play some Christmas music in the background? It _is _Christmas after all."

"Sure," he nods, handing me the microphone and I step onto the brightly lit stage. Thalia looks up, wide eyed.

"Hey everyone," I greet the audience. "My name is Nico di Angelo and I recently got cheated on by my girlfriend, who is actually sitting at that table right there!" I point. "This song is for you, honey! And enjoy this song!" Once the music plays, I begin to sing.

_You told me I was lucky,_  
_To have my chance with you._  
_Now last year's summer romance,_  
_Is this year's winter blues._  
_I treated you so nicely,_  
_To jewelry, and champagne,_  
_But you left me empty handed,_  
_Yeah, you left me feeling_  
_Play-ay-ayed_

_Now I hope you're happy with yourself,_  
_'cause I'm not laughing_  
_Don't you think it's kind of crappy_  
_What you did this holiday?_  
_When I gave you my heart,_  
_You ripped it apart_  
_Like wrapping paper trash_  
_So I wrote you a song,_  
_Hope that you sing along_  
_And it goes,_  
_"Merry Christmas, kiss my ass!"_

_They say I'm losing my mind,_  
_I thought that for a while,_  
_I tear down decorations_  
_They remind me of your smile._  
_I hate that mistletoe,_  
_It makes me think of our first kiss,_  
_You bit my lip, you pulled me close,_  
_And then you taught me how to quit._

_Now I hope you're happy with yourself,_  
_'cause I'm not laughing_  
_Don't you think it's kind of crappy_  
_What you did this holiday?_  
_When I gave you my heart,_  
_You ripped it apart_  
_Like wrapping paper trash._  
_So I wrote you a song,_  
_Hope that you sing along,_  
_And it goes,_  
_"Merry Christmas, kiss my (ass)"_

_So sick of calling,_  
_You won't telephone me,_  
_No, fuck you girl, I'm going out._  
_I gave you my all,_  
_But our love hit a wall, now,_  
_I'm jingle belling,_  
_And everyone's yelling,_  
_We'll drink 'til the bars shut us down._

_Ain't that just what Christmas is all about?_

_And I hope you're happy with yourself,_  
_'cause I'm not laughing, (not laughing)_  
_Don't you think it's so damn trashy_  
_What you did this holiday?_  
_(so trashy)_  
_I gave you my heart, (heart)_  
_You ripped it apart_  
_Like the wrapping paper trash (wrapping paper trash)_  
_So I wrote you a song,_  
_Hope that you sing along,_  
_Here it goes,_  
_"Merry Christmas, (bitch), kiss my ass."_

I smile fakely at Thalia, and she's as red as tomato. Not from embarrassment, but from pure anger. "I am going to kill you di Angelo!" she shouts storming up to me.

"Why?" I ask innocently. "That's the vicious, horrible truth. Kind of like how you cheated on me _and _played me!"

"How could you embarrass me like that?"

"How could _you _hurt me like that?" I demand, but she remains speechless. "What did you say again? Oh, wait. I got it. Now goodbye! I never want to see you again!" I mock her.

"Whatever!" she tries to turn around but I put my hand on her shoulder to prevent her.

"One last thing," I hold her back. "Thalia, honey, happy birthday, and Merry Christmas."


End file.
